Hisab | An Internal Audit

Reflect. For everything now has a responsibility in the afterlife.

—

I’ve always been fascinated with New Year and this overwhelmingly optimistic idea that when the clock strikes midnight, you are given a fresh start and a clean slate. And while I do believe we all foster the ability to change for the better, thinking it is this magical thing that happens every year at a ball’s drop and doesn’t require an uncomfortable look within is a fool’s game.

Motivation is an unreliable force. Discipline is the driver for true change. And we already tend to do this in every season of life. The spring cleaning and winter stocking. Every season comes with an audit.

Donating unworn clothes.

Finding a home for unused items.

Dusting off untouched books.

And as I sit and reflect, counting all that surrounds me and consumes my every day, how much is of benefit?

An Ulama said: Everything in this world is cursed, except the things that are purposed for Allah.

Which bares the questions:

Have I cursed my time?

8 hours at work

2 hours commuting

2 hours cooking and eating

30 mins working out

30 mins with family

1 hour unwinding

5 mins for fajr

10 mins for duhur

10 mins for asr

10 mins for maghrib

10 mins for isha

15 mins with quran

Have I cursed my senses?

Morning news podcasts

Commuting supplications

Desk playlists

Workout music

Rated R movies

TV-MA series

Online discourse

Mindless scrolling

News skimming

Have I cursed my tongue?

Venting about work

Ranting about inconveniences

Cursing injustice within news

Speaking on gratitude

Telling loved ones how much they mean to me

Showering love upon friends

Have I cursed my actions?

Budgeting for wants but not donations

Not responding within three days

Not communicating the best I could

Assuming others’ actions toward me

Checking up on loved ones

Providing aid even if people don’t ask

Giving myself excuses but not others

While my phone itself is not cursed, what I do with it sets the course of my actions. And the audit I receive at the end of the week listing out my usage, how much have I put towards my hereafter?

While my clothes are not cursed, my intent for picking the pieces can be written towards my downfall. Have I justified the brands truly for quality or did I want to be presented in a certain light?

A self hisab, before the true hisab.